Overgeneralization

When it tends to show up

• When you stumble once while trying something for the first time
• When the same kind of mistake happens twice in a row by chance
• When someone turns down an invitation or a request from you once

A hint for another view

When you catch yourself thinking “always” or “every time,” try to recall one time it went well. Something that happened once is still something that happened once.

What is Overgeneralization

Overgeneralization is a habit of taking one or two events and stretching them far into the future: "This always happens," "It's going to go wrong every time anyway." When this habit is strong, words like "always," "every time," "never," "anyway" and "for sure" come up a lot in your head.

Learning from an event and trying to prepare for next time is a very natural and useful thing to do. To avoid repeating similar mistakes, people look for patterns in their experiences. But when that pattern-making happens too quickly, something that has happened only once starts to feel like "something that will definitely happen from now on." Then your energy can drain away before you even try something new, and you may feel down more easily.

There is nothing strange about having this habit. Unpleasant events stick in our memory more strongly, so anyone can easily feel "here we go again." Noticing the moment you think "always" is the first step toward seeing things differently.

Everyday examples

At work, imagine you are asked to run a meeting for the first time and the timing doesn't go well. When Overgeneralization is strong, a single experience can turn into a verdict on your whole ability: "I'm always bad at leading in front of people," "I'll make the same mistake next time too." In reality, almost everyone finds the first time leading a meeting hard, and it is one of those things that gets easier with practice.

At school, after getting a low score on a quiz in a subject you find hard, you may feel "No matter what I do, I always fail this subject," and your motivation to study at all can weaken. Yet a single quiz is just one snapshot, taken on one particular day.

In friendships, after one person turns down your invitation to hang out, you may think "Whenever I invite people, they always seem annoyed," and find it harder to reach out next time. The friend may simply have been busy that weekend.

In dating, it can show up when one relationship doesn't work out and you decide all your future relationships at once: "It's never going to work out with anyone anyway." On social media, a post that gets fewer reactions than usual can make you feel "Nobody ever looks at my posts." How many people see a post can change a lot depending on the time of day or what else is going on that day.

When it tends to get stronger

Overgeneralization tends to get stronger when similar events happen to come one after another. If something happens twice in a row, that alone can make you feel "I knew it," and you want to reach a conclusion before there is a third time. Two times is still a very small number to base a rule on, but in the moment it can feel like plenty of proof.

It is also worth watching for when you have just entered a new environment. Right after changing jobs, starting at a new school or moving to a new place, you don't have much experience yet, so each single event looks big. When you are tired or don't have much emotional room, your ability to remember the exceptions weakens too, and it becomes easy to sum everything up with the word "always."

Questions that help you find another view

When you feel "always" or "anyway," try asking yourself questions like these:

• Is it really "always"? How many times did it actually happen?
• Can you remember one time when things went well in a similar situation?
• Were there any one-off circumstances behind why it didn't go well this time?
• From this one event, is there something you can say like "Next time, I'll try ___"?
• If a friend said the same thing, what would you say to them?

Something that happened once is still something that happened once. Just changing "always" to "this time" can shift the way the next chance looks.

It can also help to jot down short notes about the times things went well and the times they didn't. When you feel "always," you can check that against the actual record. A record can be a fairer ally than memory.

How it differs from similar patterns

Overgeneralization often shows up together with Labeling. Labeling is a habit of taking one action and naming the person as a whole: "I'm hopeless," "They're a cold person." It becomes easier to tell them apart if you think of it this way: Overgeneralization stretches the number of times or the range of an event into "it always happens," while Labeling ties it to a person's character: "that's the kind of person they are."

It is also similar to Jumping to Conclusions. Jumping to Conclusions is a habit of deciding, without clear evidence, that things will turn out badly. The difference is that Overgeneralization stretches out from "one or two past events" as its evidence, while Jumping to Conclusions runs ahead with very little evidence at all. "I failed last time, so I'll always fail" leans toward Overgeneralization; "I just know this will go badly" leans toward Jumping to Conclusions.